I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
