i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
