this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
