My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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