Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you traded sex for a burrito?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
