remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I miss vodka workout Fridays
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
