why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
