doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
