hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
