I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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