she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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