Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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