I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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