he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
