just survived the first fart of the relationship.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
