just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
