You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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