We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
