hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
