Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
