he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Well I just put wine in my tea
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
