she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
birth control should be required to get into college
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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