You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
