Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
