No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
