make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
