This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
