I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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