First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
