its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
