When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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