you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
