i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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