party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
