I'm drive I can fine osifer
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
