I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
