Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
