Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
