Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
