If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
