1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
