My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
