I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
