I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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