Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
