i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
