I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
