it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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