My first STD was from a foam party
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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