why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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