Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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