it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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