ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
