I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
