it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
as a side note pls kill me
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
