To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
