hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
