David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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