were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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