o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
