were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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