I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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