Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
