Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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